The Person I Am Today
by LuvnSVU
Summary: Liv is back from Oregon and things are pretty tense between her and Elliot. He invites her to the twins graduation in an attempt to get things back on track. This is my first story please read and review. EO. Reposted due to errors.


Disclaimer: This is hard to admit, but there not mine. There owned by some Dick. But if they were mine we would only ever have shows consisting of bedroom activities.

Summary: Olivia is back from Oregon. Things are still tense with Elliot. He invites her to the twins graduatin ceremony. And along the way they work out some of their problems. Total E/O

A/N: This is my first story so reviews would be much appreciated.

THE PERSON I'AM TODAY

"Hey, Liv" Elliot called looking up from the mountain of paper worked piled around him.

"Yeah, what?" She answered giving him a small tight lipped smile. Ever since she got back from Oregon things has been tense between the two of them. She missed the days of easily flowing conversations and laughs. _I guess that's the price you pay for up and leaving your best friend_, she mused.

"The ah twins are having this little graduation ceremony, you know leaving junior high and going into high school, and they asked that I invite you along." He didn't look at her as he talked, in fact he made sure his eyes never made contact with hers, bussing himself with the papers in front of him.

Olivia leaned back in her chair and rolled her top lip and over her bottom lip in a nervous fashion. _This has to some sort of test, _she thought,_ he's testing me. Trying to figure out where the lines are now drawn, that's what he's doing. And to make it worse he's putting the ball in my court. _

" Umm...well when is the ceremony?" She asked with only slight note of hesitation in her voice.

Elliot looked up for the first time since he approached the subject. He was a little shocked that she was even considering spending anytime with him outside of work. In the days she had been back the atmosphere around the two of them in the squad room had been stifling. And they weren't the only ones suffering the ill effects of Olivia's sudden departure and return. The whole team seemed to be waiting for some mass explosion of anger from either one of them. It was all just becoming too much. They were polite and they were courteous to each other, and it was eerie to see.

Polite and courteous was definitely not Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler. Their whole union was based on saying what they felt when they felt it regardless of the consequences. This type of attitude may be destructive in any other relationship be it romantic or professional, but for them it worked. It had worked for nearly eight years. It's what they counted on from each other, what they needed. They had a no sugar coating, just the cold hard truth, and if you don't like it too bad, 'cause I know you will always come back to me, kind of way.

But now things had changed. Truths were spoken. And consequences happened. And she didn't come back. Not for six weeks. She had changed the rules and in return she had changed them. And now it seemed they would never be playing the same game again.

"Ceremonies Friday night at six in the gym at the junior high. Do you think you can make it?"

" Uh yeah, shouldn't be a problem." She ducked her head down and got back to work.

Elliot watched her. He wished he could smile at her as she still nervously rolled her lips, there was once a time he would have. His head hurt every time he would allow himself to think about how they got to this point. He wanted to take it all back. He needed a time machine, a Delorean, he decided. _If I had a Delorean I would go back to the Gitano case. I would take b_ack _what I said to her, I wouldn't blame her. And I would never tell her she's the only good thing I have going in my life._

He hated the last thing he said to her most of all. He was embarrassed by his admission and if he was totally honest hurt that she did not say he was the only good thing in her life as well.

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Olivia was throwing her clothes onto her bedroom floor in a near frantic effort to find something to wear. It was just after five and she had less than an hour to find something to wear and get herself to Queens for the ceremony. She hated everything she pulled out. _Too slutty, too formal, too casual, too uuggghh._She groaned in frustration. She had never been to a graduation before, only her own. What do you wear to the graduation of the children of the man-who's-my-partner-but-where-going-through-a-rough-patch-at-the-moment?

She pulled out a white skirt that had a black embroidered flower design. That could work. Now a top to go with it. She settled for a black soft wool top with long sleeves and was off the shoulders. She got dressed and stood back to look at her reflection. Her newly long her flowed softly to her exposed shoulders. She thought she looked good enough. She grabbed her black high heel Knee high boots and sat on the bed and put them on. _I hope Elliot likes what I'm wearing._ She stopped mid way through zipping up her boots. Where the hell had that come from? She stood quickly before she had time to analise what she had just been thinking and grabbed her purse and walked out her front door pulling it shut with a loud thud behind her.

She jumped in her car and headed for Queens. Her mind wondered to what she had so desperately tried not to think of. _Why would I care if Elliot likes what I'm wearing, it's not like he's anything to me other than a colleague. I mean, okay, yeah I guess in the past I have had slight feelings of more than just friends. And maybe when were alone together on a stakeout I secretly love the fact that we get to spend the time together and I cover it up with my bitching and complaining of having to be stuck with him hours on end in a car.And yeah maybe, just maybe, I have imagined what it would be like to have that rock hard body slide ever so slowly over mine as he..._

"OH MY FUCKING GOD"

Olivia's breath was coming out it short ragged breaths. How had this happened? She had been so careful. She told herself right from the start that he was a married family man. And she loved the fact that he was. As far as she was concerned it was one of his better qualities. She knew it was hands off when it came to him and she had always kept her hands to herself. So what had changed? Why now was there this ache within her when she thought of him? What had made her suddenly aware of her very sexy and newly single partner?

She concentrated on the road trying to find the answers to all the questions running through her head. She went under an underpass and had it hit her like a ton of bricks. Or more like a wall. Their wall. There was always a safety wall between the two of them. Elliot and Kathy stood together on one side of the wall and Olivia on the other. Sure Kathy let Olivia and Elliot have a friendship through the wall, she even let him poke his head over from time to time for some harmless flirtation, but that wall prevented anything else. But Kathy had started a demolition on their wall. Slowly tearing it apart brick by painful brick. And it was not only Elliot's and Kathy's marriage that was effected by the falling of the wall but Olivia's partnership with Elliot. And when the wall came down she saw that Elliot was standing alone on the other side. No more wall, no more separation. Just the two of them standing together, but not knowing where to go from there.

She pulled up at the junior high school and took in a deep shaky breath. She had to settle herself down if she even wanted to try and act normal. She could not let her newly discovered secret affect her or there would definitely be consequences.

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Elliot glanced around anxiously looking for his partner. He had decided early on in the afternoon that this night was either going make or break their partnership. They needed to find their flow outside of work to make it flow in work, and tonight was the night. It needed to work. He needed it to work, because without her by his side on the job he wasn't sure he could even do it anymore. He needed her. It was hard for him to acknowledge his need but now that he had, it started up a whole new fear within him. What if she didn't need him? That would tear him down. He would no longer be able to stand strong. Olivia had somehow wormed her way into his needs. She was now like food, water and air. A need, not a want.

He glanced and his two eldest daughters. His chest swelled with pride as he admired what beautiful young women they were turning out to be. Not that he felt he could take any credit for that. His work kept him so busy, it was as though he came home one day to notice he no longer had babies in his home but young adults, and Kathy was the one that did all the hard work.

He glanced at his watch again and exhaled loudly. Olivia was late and for that matter was so was Kathy. What was with the women that he loved? _Love, I don't love Olivia. I mean yeah she's beautiful in a most stunning way. And yeah, she had these big doe eyes that seem to look into my soul even when I'm only asking her if she wants a coffee. And yeah maybe sometimes, more now that I have separated from Kathy, I kind of (always) use her in my fantasies when I need to let out some sexual frustration. But that means nothing. It's harmless. Absolutely harmless. It's not like I want to..._

_"_SHIT"

"What". His two daughters asked in unison.

"Nothing" He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. How had he let this happen? This was Olivia. His partner, his friend. You don't want to have sex with friends, not if you don't want things to get completely screwed up. _That's what will happen_, he warned himself. He couldn't take the chance of something with Liv if it meant losing her for good. He knew he would just have to get over it. Force himself into only having partner like thoughts.

"Daddy, what's wrong" His eldest daughter asked, placing her hand softly on his forearm.

"Nothing sweetie. Just a long day at work" He smiled at her reassuringly.

Olivia could see him standing just out front of the school entrance with two of his daughters. She took a deep breath and headed over to the three of them.

"Keep it together, Benson" She muttered.

She studied him as she walked over. He had on a dark brown suit a tan business shirt and a brown satin tie.

God, why did he have to look so good? He does it on purpose, she decided. He likes that he fills out a suit like no bodies business, he likes that women turn to check him out when he walks by, he likes that even though he doesn't know it, he drives her wild. He was evil, pure and simple no other word for it.

She smiled as she neared them her heart thumping hard against her chest. _God, I hope they can't hear it._

"Hi guys" She smiled at them each in turn making sure not to have too much eye contact with Elliot.

"Liv, you look great! Your hair, it's so long" Maureen gushed

"Yeah, Liv. You look totally different. It looks like getting out of the city did some good for you. Or maybe it's a guy that is responsible for this change, huh" Kathleen nudged her sister at that last comment and the two of them laughed.

"Wha..No no" She stammered. She stole a quick look at Elliot and saw a look of anger flash through his beautiful blue eyes.

"Come on. Let's get in there and find some seats" Elliot grumbled as he pushed pass Olivia.

The three women followed Elliot closely behind not saying anything about the change in mood in him.

Olivia felt like crying. He was mad. She had no idea what to make of this. He had been mad at her since she returned from Oregon but this was a different mad, she could feel it. This was a your-meant-to-be-my-friend-and-now-your-keeping-secrets-from-me mad. This was not an Oregon versus Manhattan issue, this was a personal issue. Suddenly with no warning they had personal issues. After all these years of keeping 'personal 'out of their lives with each other and one comment had pushed it all out spilling messily in front of them.

Elliot scanned the crowded gym looking for some seats. His eyes surveyed the large area. He spotted Kathy sitting several rows from where they were standing. He ushered the small group to her. Kathy looked up and smiled as she saw her husband and daughters standing next to the row she was sitting in.

"Hey, guys. I saved us some seats. What took you so long?" she tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder.

"Sorry, I thought you said to meet out front, my mistake" Elliot muttered as he shuffled along the row. Maureen followed behind him, then Olivia and finally Kathleen.

"Hi Kathy" Olivia threw a smile her way.

"Olivia! What are you doing here?" Kathy didn't even bother to hide the shock in her question. Olivia blushed at the realization that her presence was not expected from her partners soon to be ex-wife.

"Uh well, Elliot told me that the twins would like it if I came tonight. So here I am"

"Oh...Whatever makes the kids happy"

Olivia's brow furrowed. She knew she wasn't Kathy's favourite person, but did she have to make it feel like it would be so unlike any of Elliot's children to not want to share an important event in their lives with her. Olivia had known Elliot's children for years; she had watched them grow up, especially the twins. She was also a bit annoyed at Elliot too; he should have told Kathy that she had been invited.

The gym was getting rather noisy now as it started to fill with proud parents and grandparents and dragged along siblings.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. The ceremony will now commence"

Olivia crossed her right leg over her knee causing her skirt to shift and expose her knees. Elliot glanced down at Olivia's newly exposed knees. He had never seen them before. They were perfect. He knew she would have great legs but he never thought she would have the perfect knees. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably not taking his eyes from her knees. He was mesmerized, and the crazy thing was they were just knees. For Christ sakes everyone has them, but hers were making his stomach do little flip flops. He had to restrain himself from reaching across his daughter and caressing them. He imagined the skin would be soft, like baby skin. He wondered what the skin behind her knee was like. Was it sensitive there? Would she like it if a lover kissed her behind her knees? Or better yet would she like it if it was him kissing her behind her knees .

Olivia stole a quick glance in Elliot's direction he was staring down with his eyes cast to his right. What was he looking at? At that moment his eyes looked up and meet hers. This time she held his gaze. It felt hypnotic. There was so much being said that she was sure she was reading it all wrong. Elliot and her been known to be able to hold conversations with only their eyes, they had perfected it, but right now she had no idea what she seeing. She thought it looked like lust, like want, but this was Elliot, her now feuding partner. The one she had hurt, the one who was making it so hard for her to settle back in with work, the one who had replaced her while she was away.

Olivia broke the stare and concentrated on the ceremony in front of them. She was wrong about the look she decided, Elliot would never need or want her, not after all the hurt they had caused each other in the past year.

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"Livia, you came" Lizzie squealed giving Olivia a hug. Olivia smiled brightly at the young girl. She was particuly fond of the youngest of the Stabler children.

"Congratulations! I can't' believe you will be starting high school in the fall. I feel old" Olivia pouted playfully.

"You're not old. My friends over there just asked me who that hot woman is with my family,"

"Thanks Dickie. It's good to know fourteen year olds still find me hot." She joked giving him a hug.

Elliot watched the exchange between his son and his partner. Dickie wasn't fooling anyone; Elliot knew that he thought Olivia was good looking too. Like father like son.

"Hey Liv, you should totally come back to our place for dinner. Mom has made lasagne and it would give us all a chance to catch up with you." Lizzie's eyes sparkled as she looked at Olivia with expectant eyes.

"Ah, I don't know. Um"

"Sure Liv. Come and have dinner with us" Elliot smiled politely

Us. That threw her a bit. Were he and Kathy an us? Did something change when she was away? He could have moved back home and she wouldn't know because she had barely spoken to him since she came back a few weeks ago. The sudden realization that there was a very real possibility that Elliot was back home hurt. She had no right to feel hurt, she was nothing to Elliot, but to her he had somehow turned into everything.

The detective in her kicked in, she needed to know if he was back home and the only way to do that was go to dinner and do a little snooping.

"Ok then, if that's ok with you?" she turned and looked at Kathy, who gave her a quick forced smile.

"Fine with me. Let's go."

"I'm riding with Liv, Ok?" Kathleen called out as she followed Olivia back to her car.

Olivia turned to the young girl following close behind and smiled.

"What's up?"

"Nothing's up. Can't I ride home with my Dad's partner without there being a hidden agenda?"

The two hoped in the car and started towards the Stabler home. Olivia glanced at Kathleen out of the corner of her eye as she navigated the streets. She knew Kathleen needed to talk, but she also knew that Kathleen couldn't be pushed into talking and she would say what she had to in her own time.

"What was Oregon like?"

"I hated it. I missed...everything. I thought going away would change something's for the better instead I think I made things worse." She didn't know why she was opening up to this seventeen year old girl, maybe because she needed talk and revealing some of her own secrets might bring it all out in the open that much sooner.

"Dad, he missed you a lot you know"

"Hmmm"

"He was hurt they way you left. Is he one of things you were trying to fix by going away?"

Olivia stared straight ahead, she was afraid that if she looked at Elliot's daughter she would give it all way.

"Kathleen, I never wanted to hurt him. I made mistake by leaving and I can only hope he will forgive me for what I have done."

"He has" Olivia glanced at the girl; she had said it with such nonchalance, as if she was talking about the weather and not the keeper of her heart.

"That's what people do when they love someone. They forgive. It's what separates us from the animals. You know Dad loves you. He could no longer stay made at you for what you did then he could stay mad at me or any of the other kids. When he loves, he loves. That's all there is to it"

Olivia's heart jumped into her throat. Love. Love me how? Does he love me like I wanted to be loved or am I like any of his daughters? She wanted to pull over and shake Kathleen till the answers fell out of her, but assaulting Elliot's daughter was most likely not the best way into his heart. So instead Olivia sat there and pretended that the conversation they just had had no effect on her.

"Can I ask you something Liv?"

"Sure honey, anything"

"How old were you when you first had sex?"

Olivia almost served the car off the road.

"Jesus Liv, I thought you would be more cool with this than my Dad. Almost killing us in some road accident is something he would do!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You just threw me there. "

"So can we talk about this or not"

Olivia knew this could be seen as stepping over some big fatly drawn lines. But when she turned and looked at Kathleen who had a look that almost seemed to be begging to talk, she knew what she had to do.

"Yeah, we can talk"

"And it stays between us right, no telling Dad?"

"As long as I feel you are not putting yourself in any physical harm, I promise you I will not tell your father"

"So I've been thinking about doing it. You know sex"

"OK"

"And I just want you to, like, talk a bit about it with me. I don't want it sugar-coated like I would get from my girlfriends, who want me to have sex just so I have stories to share, and I don't want to talk about it with Mom or Maureen, 'cause they would give me the horror stories. I just want to know stuff and I have some questions and I just need a woman to be honest with me ok?"

Olivia smiled at her reassuringly "I promise to give you nothing but the truth, woman to woman"

"OK. So first off, how bad does it hurt honestly?"

"Well OK, I guess it's different for everyone and you have to expect some pain. It's a pain that I can't really describe"

"Did it hurt for you?"

"Oh yeah, I thought I was going to die"

They two of them laughed.

"I was so nervous, which let me tell you right now does not help the situation at all, and all I kept thinking was 'this guy has got to be doing it wrong, it should not hurt this much'"

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Not at all"

"It gets better though right?"

"Yeah, it does. I just want to say aside from the physical side of sex, you need to know it can mess with your head a bit when you do sleep with someone"

"What do you mean?"

"It must be a girl thing cause even now at my age it makes things different between the two of you. And you start to analyse things and you have crazy irrational thoughts of doubt and sometimes regret. And even though people will tell you it's not a big deal to have sex. I guess it will always will be for some of us"

Olivia thought of the words she had just spoken. She had her share of relationships mixed in with a couple of one night stands, and always the morning after the first time with someone new, whether it be with a relationship someone or a one night stand someone, she always felt that twinge of regret.

"Your good at this, you know Liv. You would be a great Mom"

"Your Mom would be good at this too"

"Yeah, but its different talking to you, I trust you"

"Please, please make sure you always use protection and don't leave it up to the guy to bring condoms"

"I was going to go buy some the other day, but once I got in the store I was too embarrassed"

They pulled up in front of the Stabler home. Olivia reached down for her bag by Kathleen's feet. She opened the bag and unzipped a small side pocket. "Here take these" She said handing Kathleen two condoms. "You know how to put them on, right?"

"Yep, good to know Health class taught me something"

"OK good."

They unbuckled their seatbelts and started up the path to the front door. Everybody else had already entered the home.

Olivia put her hand on Kathleen's arm and turned her to face her. "You know you can call me any time right? I don't care if it's just to bitch about a friend or it's a 'come and please pick me up, I'm at a rave in the middle of nowhere' call, but know you can always call"

Kathleen through her arms around Olivia and held her tight. She knew that this women and caused problems in her parents' marriage, not with infidelity, just by existing, but she didn't care. Olivia was a friend, a confidant, and that meant something to this teenage girl.

They pulled apart and smiled at each other "So ah Liv, why are you carrying around condoms hmmm?" Kathleen laughed as she ran to the front door.

"You little brat!" Olivia laughed and chased after her.

Elliot looked out the front room window to see his daughter and his partner embrace in a tight hug. It felt like someone was squeezing his heart to watch two people he loved sharing such a sweet moment together. He was also a little jealous that his daughter was allowed to show such affection for someone he clearly was not allowed.

The two off them coming tumbling through the door laughing and giggling like maniacs.

Elliot smiled "What's up with you two?"

"Nothing" they sang together, which made them giggle even more.

Olivia looked over at Elliot and gave him a soft smile. His heart stopped. She gave him one of her smiles, and he didn't even have to work hard to get it. What her smile could do to him should be studied in universities throughout the world. It was as if time only existed between the two of them. There was no word to describe it. And he knows even if he lived to be one hundred years old, his memory would still be clear in remembering the way her eyes twinkle and the way the skin on her lips pulls that little bit tight as it curves into a heart stopping smile. It was magic.

"I should go and see if I can help out in the kitchen" Olivia said softly still gazing at Elliot. He too had not taken his eyes from hers.

Kathleen had long since disappeared since this gazing contest begun.

Olivia walked towards him so she could make her way into the kitchen. He reached out and grabbed her arm as she passed him. "Liv". He said it so quietly she wondered if he had even said it all. She paused acutely aware of the light pressure he was putting on her arm. She wanted to feel pressure from him on every surface of her body and she had to physically control herself not to turn and push herself into him. He was touching her. After weeks of craving any sort of attention from him he now had his hand on her arm and it all began to be too much. It was almost like teasing her. If just a touch on her arm was enough to make her mind spin out of control imagine how it would be to have a kiss. She was near her breaking point, she could feel it coming. She started to feel cold and shaky, this was what he was capable of doing to her. Tears welled up in her eyes. She willed them to stay put but they tumbled out betraying her as they slid down her cheeks.

Elliot was holding her in place he had no idea what possessed him to reach out and grab a hold of her. It was as if his mind was saying that if he let her pass he would be letting her move on from him, away from him. He didn't want her away. He wanted her here, needed her right where she was, attached to him, even if by only the smallest of touches. It was keeping them together. His touch was their lifeline.

He was about to pull her into a hug just so he could know what it felt like to be holding her, just to let her know that he wanted to leave all the mess and craziness in the past but he was stopped by a shattered tear on his hand. His hand recoiled in shock. He had made her cry. Olivia never cries. Even on the worse cases she stays strong, never shows any sign of weakness. And his one touch had become her undoing.

"Oh God, Livvy. Please don't cry." He whispered softly

"I have to go" Olivia said it all so calmly that he wondered if he had imagined the tear. He looked down at his hand to confirm what had just happened and saw the tinniest of wet stains on his skin. "Let's just talk Liv. Just you and me. I can make this better for us. I swear I can"

Olivia's heart started to race. This is it, she thought, this night would be the night when all the cards they were holding would need to be shown or the game was over. The question was who was going to lay their cards on the table first. She sure as Hell wasn't.

" Elliot, not here and not now. This is your children's graduation dinner. Let's not do this. Please, Elliot". He looked into her eyes and saw the fear of what she knew was about to come.

"Sorry, I can't let it go. Not for another moment. The last time I let things go, you jumped a plane to Oregon. Not this time Liv. It gets settled right now". His anger was beginning to show.

Elliot angry was never a good thing. He had a tendency to get loud quickly. Olivia needed to get the situation under control before the two of them ended up putting on a show in front of his family. She didn't embarrass easily but she could almost say with certainty that if this turned in to an all out fight for the truth, things could get ugly. And ugly is embarrassing when you have secrets you need to hide.

"Ok El, we can talk". She called him El. She hadn't called him El at all since she had been back. He knew though she wasn't using his name as a term of endearment, she was trying to pacify him. That got his back up a little bit more.

He grabbed her hand and walked through to the kitchen. He was walking fast so Olivia had to pick up her pace just to keep up. They entered the kitchen Olivia's hand still tightly in his. She tried to pull from his grasp before Kathy would notice their hands. Elliot knew what she was doing by trying to set her hand free, she was scarred of what Kathy would say. Elliot didn't care anymore about what his wife thought of his partnership with Olivia. They had talked that subject to death and it still lead to her leaving him and asking for a divorce. For nearly nine years he had to juggle a relationship with two women, and now he was down to one woman, and he would be damned if she left him as well. Kathy would have to deal with the hand holding just like he will have to at some point deal with Kathy's own hand holding with someone else.

Kathy looked up at them her lips in a tight thin line. "What's going on"? Her eyes zeroing in on their hands.

"Liv and I are just stepping outside for a talk; call us when dinner is ready". He pulled Olivia with him as he went through the kitchen and out the backdoor.

They stepped out to the patio where Elliot finally released her hand. Olivia licked her lips nervously as she rocked back and forward on her heels. Elliot watched her little dance of unease and desperately wanted to put his large hands over her hips to make her stand still."

"Liv. We need to fix this. I can't do another day like this. I'm going crazy" He ran his hands through his short hair his hands coming to rest on top of his head, his fingers locked together. He had at some point removed his suit jacket leaving him in his business shirt that was now pulled tight across his chest.

"El, can't we just do the short hand version of this? You forgive me, I forgive you, and we all live happily ever after." She turned her back to him. Watching him right now was not an option, there was a good chance she would get lost in his eyes and say more than she should.

"No Liv" His voice was raising again. He let out a sound a frustration, "I want to know why Liv? Why did you leave me?"

All anger was gone. He was now just a man who was defeated. A man who was watching the only thing he had wanted more than anything in the world, slowly retreating away from him.

"Because you left me first El. You left first. I was just following your lead." She turned back to face him, not afraid now to let him see her tears. "You checked out of this partnership long before I did. You didn't want me, you didn't need me. You threw me away like some piece of garbage. Am I really worth so little to you?"

He was shocked. His mind flew back over the last two years, when his life had started to spiral out of control. He could see it all so clearly now. She was the one who tried to get him to open up; she was the one who so patiently put up with him. She was there, she was always there. He pushed her to leave. He was no better for her than her mother or any of the men who had come into her life only to use and abuse her. He should be the one protecting her from what he had done to her, instead he was her emotional abuser.

Elliot suddenly felt like he was going to be sick. Tears welled up in his eyes. He looked up at her. And was amazed not to see a look of anger on her face but one of love. She closed the gap between them and laid her hands on his chest. "It's Ok Elliot. It's what we do. We hurt each other, but we always make it right in the end."

He leaned his forehead against hers, his arms at his side, not sure if he would be allowed to touch her. "I don't want to hurt you anymore. I want it stop right here." His breath tickled her nose and she scrunched it up as she took in his words. "How do you propose to stop all this madness?"

"By being truthful from now on. No more secrets. If we have a problem it needs to be said right then and there. Nothing can be left festering."

She nodded her head against his forehead never breaking contact with him. She smiled a dazzling smile at him. That was all he needed. His hands found her hips pulling her closer to him.

Olivia must have died at some point and gone to heaven. She couldn't believe that Elliot had his hands on her. Who cares that this was all happening in the backyard of the women he was still technically married to, she and Elliot had taken a giant step in their relationship. She knew that things would never be the same between them and the anticipation what could happen was making her heart race.

"Hey, El. Play a game with me." He pulled his head away from hers but kept his hands firmly on her hips. He had no intention of ever letting those go.

"What game?" He cocked his head to the side and studied her face.

"We each have to say two sentences. Both the sentences starting with 'I am the person I am today because...' ok. You go first"

"Uh uh. This is your game. You go than I'll go, then you go again. OK?"

"Ok, but one rule, you can't make a comment. I just want to say what I have to say and I don't want to talk about it. At least not today."

"Agreed. Take it away."

She rested her head against his chest and took a deep breath in.

"I'm the person I am today because of my Mother." Elliot's hands gripped tighter on her hips. He wanted to reassure her; he wanted to tell her that even though her Mother had screwed up so bad, she had still turned out to be the most amazing women he had ever known. But rules were rules. So he had to let it go, at least for today.

"Ok, my turn. I am the person I am today because of the choices I have made in my life, be them good or bad, they make me who I am."

She smiled up at him. She wanted to tell him she loved all the choices he made because she loved him and if changing even one of his pass choices changed him she wouldn't haven't at all.

"I'm am the person I am today because I now know that even if my pass is a mess and makes me feel ashamed, I know that there is someone who will take me just the way I am. Skeletons and all."

"You better believe there someone wanting you just the way you are" He smirked at her, that sexy irritating smirk that she can never get enough off.

"Hey, that's against the rules." She swatted his chest.

"I'm sorry just had to say it. Ok, last one." He stopped and looked at her. Her head was still resting against his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair and brought his hand to under her chin. He raised her chin up so he could look into her eyes. He wanted to see her eyes when he told her this, he needed to see them, this will tell him everything. Truth time.

"I am the person I am today because I have you in my life. Liv, you have changed everything for me and all I asking for is the chance to make you happy. I could make you so happy Liv."

"El I..."

"You're not allowed to comment on what I said remember". He brushed the fringe from eyes and let his thumbs gently stroke her cheeks. She was mesmerizing. He could stand here all night looking at her.

"Well I guess I'm just going to have to show you then."

She put her hands on the back on his head and slowly pulled his lips down onto hers. She kissed him lightly; she ran her tongue along his lips seeking entrance. Elliot's mind had stopped functioning. She was kissing him. His partner, hid friend and hopefully soon to be lover. It was more than he could hope for. He felt her tongue sweep across his lips looking to get in. He opened his mouth to her letting her tongue slide in side. Her tongue tickled the roof of his mouth in a rhythmic dance. He pulled her close to him so her body was flush against his. She moaned as his body pushed into hers. She lowered her hands to his hips to pull his lower half closer to her desperate for any kind of friction. Elliot's mouth had moved from her own down her neck. He kissed and nibbled his way down to the soft skin in the junction between her neck and shoulder.

"El...ahh hmm". Olivia was struggling with her words right now. She needed to get him to stop but there was no way her body was giving Elliot up so quickly.

"El...I want this so bad, but not here." She managed to pant the words out. It was incredible what he was doing to her. And that was only his mouth!

"Hmmm...K I'll stop." He murmured pulling his lips away from her skin. He rested his forehead back against hers.

"El are you scared of this?" Elliot pulled away quickly. Elation of finally having her turned to fear at having pushed her to fast.

"No, but you need to tell me now if you are, cause Liv, I could really get lost in this."

She kissed his lips softly "Nah, I'm good, just making sure you are. That's what partners are for right?"

She winked at him and took his hand and led him back into the house.

The End

A/N: Maybe some more, who knows. Please leave feed back if you want another part to the story.


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